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第136章（第1页）

“Iwascertainlyveryfarfromexpectingthemtomakesostronganimpression.Ihadnotthesmallestideaoftheirbeingeverfeltinsuchaway.”

“Icaneasilybelieveit.Youthoughtmethendevoidofeveryproperfeeling，Iamsureyoudid.TheturnofyourcountenanceIshallneverforget，asyousaidthatIcouldnothaveaddressedyouinanypossiblewaythatwouldinduceyoutoacceptme.”

“Oh!donotrepeatwhatIthensaid.Theserecollectionswillnotdoatall.IassureyouthatIhavelongbeenmostheartilyashamedofit.”

Darcymentionedhisletter.“Didit，”

saidhe，“diditsoonmakeyouthinkbetterofme?Didyou，onreadingit，giveanycredittoitscontents?”

Sheexplainedwhatitseffectonherhadbeen，andhowgraduallyallherformerprejudiceshadbeenremoved.

“Iknew，”

saidhe，“thatwhatIwrotemustgiveyoupain，butitwasnecessary.Ihopeyouhavedestroyedtheletter.Therewasonepartespecially，theopeningofit，whichIshoulddreadyourhavingthepowerofreadingagain.Icanremembersomeexpressionswhichmightjustlymakeyouhateme.”

“Thelettershallcertainlybeburnt，ifyoubelieveitessentialtothepreservationofmyregard;but，thoughwehavebothreasontothinkmyopinionsnotentirelyunalterable，theyarenot，Ihope，quitesoeasilychangedasthatimplies.”

“WhenIwrotethatletter，”

repliedDarcy，“Ibelievedmyselfperfectlycalmandcool，butIamsinceconvincedthatitwaswritteninadreadfulbitternessofspirit.”

“Theletter，perhaps，beganinbitterness，butitdidnotendso.Theadieuischarityitself.Butthinknomoreoftheletter.Thefeelingsofthepersonwhowrote，andthepersonwhoreceivedit，arenowsowidelydifferentfromwhattheywerethen，thateveryunpleasantcircumstanceattendingitoughttobeforgotten.Youmustlearnsomeofmyphilosophy.Thinkonlyofthepastasitsremembrancegivesyoupleasure.”

“Icannotgiveyoucreditforanyphilosophyofthekind.Yourretrospectionsmustbesototallyvoidofreproach，thatthecontentmentarisingfromthemisnotofphilosophy，but，whatismuchbetter，ofinnocence.Butwithme，itisnotso.Painfulrecollectionswillintrudewhichcannot，whichoughtnot，toberepelled.Ihavebeenaselfishbeingallmylife，inpractice，thoughnotinprinciple.AsachildIwastaughtwhatwasright，butIwasnottaughttocorrectmytemper.Iwasgivengoodprinciples，butlefttofollowtheminprideandconceit.Unfortunatelyanonlyson（formanyyearsanonlychild），Iwasspoiltbymyparents，who，thoughgoodthemselves（myfather，particularly，allthatwasbenevolentandamiable），allowed，encouraged，almosttaughtmetobeselfishandoverbearing;tocarefornonebeyondmyownfamilycircle;tothinkmeanlyofalltherestoftheworld;towishatleasttothinkmeanlyoftheirsenseandworthcomparedwithmyown.SuchIwas，fromeighttoeightandtwenty;andsuchImightstillhavebeenbutforyou，dearest，loveliestElizabeth!WhatdoInotoweyou!Youtaughtmealesson，hardindeedatfirst，butmostadvantageous.Byyou，Iwasproperlyhumbled.Icametoyouwithoutadoubtofmyreception.Youshowedmehowinsufficientwereallmypretensionstopleaseawomanworthyofbeingpleased.”

“HadyouthenpersuadedyourselfthatIshould?”

“IndeedIhad.Whatwillyouthinkofmyvanity?Ibelievedyoutobewishing，expectingmyaddresses.”

“Mymannersmusthavebeeninfault，butnotintentionally，Iassureyou.Inevermeanttodeceiveyou，butmyspiritsmightoftenleadmewrong.Howyoumusthavehatedmeafterthatevening?”

“Hateyou!Iwasangryperhapsatfirst，butmyangersoonbegantotakeaproperdirection.”