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第74章（第1页）

“IhadnotbeenlonginHertfordshire，beforeIsaw，incommonwithothers，thatBingleypreferredyoureldersistertoanyotheryoungwomaninthecountry.ButitwasnottilltheeveningofthedanceatNetherfieldthatIhadanyapprehensionofhisfeelingaseriousattachment.Ihadoftenseenhiminlovebefore.Atthatball，whileIhadthehonourofdancingwithyou，Iwasfirstmadeacquainted，bySirWilliamLucassaccidentalinformation，thatBingleysattentionstoyoursisterhadgivenrisetoageneralexpectationoftheirmarriage.Hespokeofitasacertainevent，ofwhichthetimealonecouldbeundecided.FromthatmomentIobservedmyfriendsbehaviourattentively;andIcouldthenperceivethathispartialityforMissBennetwasbeyondwhatIhadeverwitnessedinhim.YoursisterIalsowatched.Herlookandmannerswereopen，cheerful，andengagingasever，butwithoutanysymptomofpeculiarregard，andIremainedconvincedfromtheeveningsscrutiny，thatthoughshereceivedhisattentionswithpleasure，shedidnotinvitethembyanyparticipationofsentiment.Ifyouhavenotbeenmistakenhere，Imusthavebeeninerror.Yoursuperiorknowledgeofyoursistermustmakethelatterprobable.Ifitbeso，ifIhavebeenmisledbysucherrortoinflictpainonher，yourresentmenthasnotbeenunreasonable.ButIshallnotscrupletoassert，thattheserenityofyoursisterscountenanceandairwassuchasmighthavegiventhemostacuteobserveraconvictionthat，howeveramiablehertemper，herheartwasnotlikelytobeeasilytouched.ThatIwasdesirousofbelievingherindifferentiscertain—butIwillventuretosaythatmyinvestigationanddecisionsarenotusuallyinfluencedbymyhopesorfears.IdidnotbelievehertobeindifferentbecauseIwishedit;Ibelieveditonimpartialconviction，astrulyasIwisheditinreason.MyobjectionstothemarriagewerenotmerelythosewhichIlastnightacknowledgedtohavetheutmostrequiredforceofpassiontoputaside，inmyowncase;thewantofconnectioncouldnotbesogreataneviltomyfriendastome.Buttherewereothercausesofrepugnance;causeswhich，thoughstillexisting，andexistingtoanequaldegreeinbothinstances，Ihadmyselfendeavouredtoforget，becausetheywerenotimmediatelybeforeme.Thesecausesmustbestated，thoughbriefly.Thesituationofyourmothersfamily，thoughobjectionable，wasnothingincomparisontothattotalwantofproprietysofrequently，soalmostuniformlybetrayedbyherself，byyourthreeyoungersisters，andoccasionallyevenbyyourfather.Pardonme.Itpainsmetooffendyou.Butamidstyourconcernforthedefectsofyournearestrelations，andyourdispleasureatthisrepresentationofthem，letitgiveyouconsolationtoconsiderthat，tohaveconductedyourselvessoastoavoidanyshareofthelikecensure，ispraisenolessgenerallybestowedonyouandyoureldersister，thanitishonourabletothesenseanddispositionofboth.Iwillonlysayfartherthatfromwhatpassedthatevening，myopinionofallpartieswasconfirmed，andeveryinducementheightenedwhichcouldhaveledmebefore，topreservemyfriendfromwhatIesteemedamostunhappyconnection.HeleftNetherfieldforLondon，onthedayfollowing，asyou，Iamcertain，remember，withthedesignofsoonreturning.

“ThepartwhichIactedisnowtobeexplained.Hissistersuneasinesshadbeenequallyexcitedwithmyown;ourcoincidenceoffeelingwassoondiscovered，and，alikesensiblethatnotimewastobelostindetachingtheirbrother，weshortlyresolvedonjoininghimdirectlyinLondon.Weaccordinglywent—andthereIreadilyengagedintheofficeofpointingouttomyfriendthecertainevilsofsuchachoice.Idescribed，andenforcedthemearnestly.But，howeverthisremonstrancemighthavestaggeredordelayedhisdetermination，Idonotsupposethatitwouldultimatelyhavepreventedthemarriage，haditnotbeensecondedbytheassurancethatIhesitatednotingiving，ofyoursistersindifference.Hehadbeforebelievedhertoreturnhisaffectionwithsincere，ifnotwithequalregard.ButBingleyhasgreatnaturalmodesty，withastrongerdependenceonmyjudgementthanonhisown.Toconvincehim，therefore，thathehaddeceivedhimself，wasnoverydifficultpoint.TopersuadehimagainstreturningintoHertfordshire，whenthatconvictionhadbeengiven，wasscarcelytheworkofamoment.Icannotblamemyselfforhavingdonethusmuch.ThereisbutonepartofmyconductinthewholeaffaironwhichIdonotreflectwithsatisfaction;itisthatIcondescendedtoadoptthemeasuresofartsofarastoconcealfromhimyoursistersbeingintown.Iknewitmyself，asitwasknowntoMissBingley;butherbrotherisevenyetignorantofit.Thattheymighthavemetwithoutillconsequenceisperhapsprobable;buthisregarddidnotappeartomeenoughextinguishedforhimtoseeherwithoutsomedanger.Perhapsthisconcealment，thisdisguisewasbeneathme;itisdone，however，anditwasdoneforthebest.OnthissubjectIhavenothingmoretosay，nootherapologytooffer.IfIhavewoundedyoursistersfeelings，itwasunknowinglydoneandthoughthemotiveswhichgovernedmemaytoyouverynaturallyappearinsufficient，Ihavenotyetlearnttocondemnthem.

“Withrespecttothatother，moreweightyaccusation，ofhavinginjuredMr.Wickham，Icanonlyrefuteitbylayingbeforeyouthewholeofhisconnectionwithmyfamily.OfwhathehasparticularlyaccusedmeIamignorant;butofthetruthofwhatIshallrelate，Icansummonmorethanonewitnessofundoubtedveracity.